


Sincerely Yours

by psychoticauthor (pschotichauthor)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance, Unrequited Love, super to the max drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 06:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10237649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pschotichauthor/pseuds/psychoticauthor
Summary: Love, they say, is something no one can comprehend. And in Joshua's case, that is true. He does not know when and why but he fell in love really hard with his best friend - Jeonghan, who is now in love with another!This is a story of love and friendship, of unrequited love and broken friendships, of all the things that shouldn't have but still happened.





	1. Mirror, Braids, & a Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story was posted LONG AGO in my AFF account - ultrapurplerays. I decided to post this here too because... why not! And because I just started continuing the story after almost a year of hiatus. 
> 
> This story was written when they were just starting so there were a lot of shifting of ships and what nots that happened in real life which this story can't and won't cope with. Also, this was and is still an AU - a lot of OOC moments. I was and am just a lowly mortal who loved angst and unrequited love/s so please spare me :) 
> 
> Carat? FIGHTING!

“What time is it?”

His tantalizing voice echoed through my ears, luring me into the trap he unknowingly keeps on setting up for me. A trap I never want to fall into but only a bit more and I would. A trap I could not afford to get caught with. A trap called “ _falling madly inlove with your best friend.”_

“It’s a quarter before 10,” I said with the last ounce of composure I had. I swear to God, I tried, I tried so hard not to look up from the youtube video I was watching. I tried so hard not to look at him while he was doing his hair, because heaven knew how just by watching, could it throw my sanity out of the window.

And now I could not get my eyes off of him. He let out a grunt and undid his hair. He swiftly pulled the rubber that was holding his hair in a ponytail and slowly each strands of his hair fluttered against the wind and slowly-yet-softly they landed on his back. I gulped as I felt myself ogling at my best friend.

“Hey!”

I sat straight and nonchalantly gave him a smirk with my eyes probably smiling at him.

“Are you even listening to me?” He made his way towards me and halted when he was exactly between my legs. “I asked if you could braid my hair?” His eyes were teasing and I loved how he looked so intimidating just from staring down at me.

“Sure?” I gave him a smirk.

I was always like this. I could only smile, laugh, and tease him. No matter how much I wanted to pull him down and sat him on my lap so I could run my fingers through his silky-soft hair and grab his neck so I could kiss him deeply, I could not do so. Because in the first place, I was just a _best friend_.

He lightly pinched both my cheeks and leaned towards me. My breathing momentarily stopped, then it got faster by the seconds as his face inched closer to mine. Instinctively, I shut my eyes. And I heard a small thud.

When I opened my eyes, he was already making his way back to the [mirror](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1106053/1/sincerely-yours-angst-drama-romance-seventeen-jihan-jeongcheol-wonsoo#). I turned my head in the direction from where I heard the thud came from and saw that my laptop was already closed.

“You know? You should turn off your gadgets when you’re not using them.”

I sighed and with a whisper I scolded myself, “What were you hoping he would do? Kiss you?”

I bitterly laughed at the thought. I got up from the chair and walked towards my best friend. I pulled a nearby stool and jokingly forced him to sit and heard him protest a bit. “Now, don’t be a sissy. You asked me to braid your hair, right?”

“Yes,” he pouted.

I chuckled as I started braiding his hair. It felt blissful having his hair on my palms; having a part of the man I loved all to myself even for just a bit. I smiled contently-yet-bitterly as I saw how happy he looked as I was fixing his hair. Contently because I knew that he was extremely happy, but bitterly because it was another person who was making him feel all the happiness in the world. And I wished that I could be that man.

“Hey…” I tied the braid with the rubber I took from his wrist.

He hummed a little as he beamed at himself on the [mirror](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1106053/1/sincerely-yours-angst-drama-romance-seventeen-jihan-jeongcheol-wonsoo#). “What is it?”

~~_Don’t go?_ ~~

 “What time are you two meeting?” I tilted my head and stared at him.

“Eleven thirty. Why?” He brushed off some hair that had fallen on his white shirt.

~~_Stay here with me._ ~~

“Nothing. So, I’m having lunch by m-myself?” My voice nearly cracked.

He giggled. “You want to come?”

~~_Why’d you have to go with him?_ ~~

“As if. I don’t want to be a third wheel on your date!” I tried so hard to jokingly punched him on the shoulder. And it fucked me up really bad when I saw him blushed from the word “date”. I turned my back on him before he could even construct an answer. “Well, enjoy. Message me what time you’ll be coming home. Or are you even?”

“Joshua!” He sound flustered.

I clenched my fist as images of him and his boyfriend cuddling flashed before my eyes. “Just use protection, ne, Jeonghan?”

“Whatever!”

And I heard him ran to the main door, opened it, and shut it leaving his bag behind. Leaving me behind.


	2. His Bag and His Boyfriend

I sighed when Jeonghan slammed the door shut and wondered why it was so hard for me to express myself to him. It was always like that. I would always spout nonsense that would make him mad at me, and I would always regret it and would awkwardly try to make up with him. I sighed once more and grabbed my phone that was beside the closed laptop and instantly dialed Jeonghan’s phone number.

It rang. Once. Twice.

It rang many times before the voice mail answered. I ended the call and tried once again. I was pacing back and forth in the living room of the apartment I shared with my best friend, in my head were words of apologies and flatteries – he loved them. _I love him_.

“What!” Jeonghan hissed from the other line. I could imagine him gritting his teeth in annoyance.

“Where are you?” My voice was calm yet I know I was nervous because of what I did - becuase of what I made him feel. Well, yes, it was petty in a sense. It seemed like we were just joking around and that what I said was just to tease him, but I knew Jeonghan and I knew myself. If I did not appease him now it would lead to him giving me the cold shoulder. And I surely did not want that.

“…”

“Jeonghan-ah, where are you?” I asked in a sweet tone.

“…” He sighed, “I’m already on the bus.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” I leaned against the back of the couch and reached for his bag that was lying on it.

“What?” He still sounded quite annoyed.

“You should remember~” I tried to sound as cute as I could.

“Joshua. You know that I’m pissed off, right?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that,” I sighed and put the phone in between my left ear and my shoulder while I opened his bag only to see a neatly-wrapped gift. “I was just jealous of Seungcheol.”

He giggled and I knew that he had already forgiven me. “Now, don’t be! You’re still my best _est_ friend ever!”

 _But I don’t want to be just a best friend._ “Yeah, I know. That is why I am reflecting on calling you a slut. Oops?”

“Ya!” He cursed me for about thirty seconds but I did my best not to listen. “I am not a slut!”

I made sure he heard me laugh even though in reality I wanted to throw up for imagining my best friend doing stuff with his boyfriend. “You’re not?”

“I hate you right now, Joshua Hong!”

“Yes, yes. So what do I do with this gift of yours? Throw it?” _Because I so wanted to throw it_.

Jeonghan gasped and even though he was at the other side of the line I could hear him panicking. “Joshua!”

“What?” I slightly crashed the gift between my hands.

“Please bring it to Carat Café?” And just I expected, he used his aegyo voice to make his request. “Pretty please? You love me, right?”

 _Yes, I do._ “What if I don’t want to?”

He must have thought I was just teasing him and let out a cute _mmm_ that resonated through my ears. “Pretty please? I love you~”

And that did it. I straightened my back and went to my room to get my jacket. I sighed and repeated the name of the place, “Carat Café, right?”

“Yes!” Jeonghan sounded happy.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” I took my keys of the house from above the television and proceeded to the front door. “You better treat me to some meat!” I ordered while I put my running shoes, “Oh, and some ice cream!”

He let out a grunt, “You parasite!”

“Oh, so I’m a parasite now?” I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. I saw the grandma who was living just across our flat and bowed my head in greetings. “So you don’t want me to bring you your bag?”

“No~ Please. I’ll treat you to anything!” He sounded so desperate. And I hated it. Just because he forgot the gift for his boyfriend he sounded like a desperate love-struck puppy. “I don’t want to make Seungcheol sad. Especially, not today since it is our first month anniversary.”

“Fine,” I said in a monotonous tone. I did not really want to hear Jeonghan talking about his boyfriend because it hurts a lot. “I’m ending the call now,” and so I did.

***

I arrived at the Carat Café fifteen minutes before noon, the time of Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s date. I entered the place and was greeted by the aroma of luxurious coffee beans being grinded on the open kitchen just behind the counter. There were a lot of people having coffee inside and it was hard for me to find my best friend in the midst of all the customers.

“Hey!” I heard a voice greeted me from behind and when I turned around I saw the man I least wanted to meet.

“Hello, Cheol!” I smiled at him and tried to hide Jeonghan’s bag from his sight.

He smiled back at me. “What are ya doing here?”

He asked an innocent question but at the back of my mind I interpreted his message as ‘get outta here’. But I know that was just me. I did not want to admit it but my best friend’s boyfriend was a good guy. “Uh… Coffee?”

He chuckled. “Of course! I’m sorry about that,” he said.

I was about to say something when he smiled sweetly, and heaven forbid, I thought it was directed at me.

“Jeonghan-ah!” Seungcheol walked over to meet my best friend who was by that time making his way towards where we were standing. “You’re early?” He said while he took Jeonghan in his arms.

My best friend buried his face on his boyfriend’s chest and I heard him murmured, “Not at all.”

I cleared my throat so that they would realize that I was there and that they should stop with the hugging. I grabbed Jeonghan’s bag tightly, so tight that I felt my nails dug themselves onto my palm. I bit my lower lip and when the pain was enough I spoke. “You know you two should stop with the lovey-dovey act!” I tried to sound like I was teasing them.

The two love birds finally let go of each other and smiled like idiots while they entwined their fingers.

I looked away. “You mind taking your bag now, Jeonghan?”

He hurriedly took the bag that I was reaching out to him and giggled when Seungcheol asked what it was. “Nothing,” his voice was full of love.

 _You never used that voice with me._ “Well, I’m off!” I waved at them not really in the mood to become a masochist.

But of course, Seungcheol being the nice person he was said something very insensitive.

“I thought you’re having coffee here? Why not join us?”


	3. Black Coffee, Sugar, & Cream

The water that was gushing out of the faucet and into my hands seemed to have a calming effect on me. I stared at myself in the mirror and saw a very disturbed Joshua Hong staring back at me. I cupped some water on my hands and splashed it on my face, hoping that it would wake me up from the nightmare I was in. But it did not and I knew that I needed to get out of the rest room because I had been inside for almost ten minutes already. I sighed, grabbed some tissues, and wiped my face dry before I pushed the door open revealing a very busy fancy-yet-cozy café.

“Took you long in there, Joshua.”

Jeonghan smiled at me while I took my seat in front of him and his boyfriend. I noticed how they were still holding each other’s hands. Feeling jealous, I smiled to myself and took a sip of the coffee that Seungcheol ordered for me. _Bitter._ “I needed to let out something very big, you see,” I winked at both of them.

My best friend made a face of disgust while Seungcheol laughed at it. “Did you get it all out?” He winked back at me.

“Oh, yes, but it was hard to do so.” We both laughed at the joke but Jeonghan thought otherwise and slapped his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Don’t join him with his disgusting joke, Seungcheol-ah!”

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry, sweetie.” The guy reassured my best friend as he took Jeonghan’s hand, which he was holding, near his lips and gave it a peck. “Whatever makes my princess happy,” he said and slightly squeezed my best friend’s hand then he turned his attention towards me, “Heard the princess.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at Seungcheol but I knew he did nothing wrong, he was just showing Jeonghan the love he had for him. He was just showering my best friend the affection that he deserved. “You should stop spoiling the brat, Cheol,” I stuck my tongue out at Jeonghan to tease him and to mask the jealousy that was building inside me.

He did the same in return. He untwined their fingers, and I was hoping that he would keep it that way, but to my dismay he linked his left arm on Seungcheol’s right and even leaned his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He did this while still sticking his tongue out at me.

“See? He’s spoiled,” I knew that my voice sounded annoyed because that was really the case. And I was not even annoyed at Seungcheol nor at Jeonghan, I was annoyed at myself because I still had the courage to sit in front of them while they publicly displayed their affection.

“Aww, he’s getting jelly,” Jeonghan teasingly remarked.

“Ha ha. Not,” I retorted. My eyes looked at anything but them while I took a sip of my coffee. _Is this black coffee?_ “Was it you who placed my order, Jeonghan?” I squinted my eyes at him and glared when he started to chuckle.

“You noticed just now? That’s my revenge for what you said this morning!”

I inhaled deeply and pinched the bridge of my nose so that I would calm down. I was not sure if what was the real reason I was starting to get mad. Was it because Jeonghan ordered black coffee for me to exact his revenge? Was it because Seungcheol could shamelessly shower Jeonghan the love and affection he had for my best friend? Or was it because no matter how much I wanted to be the person next to Jeonghan I could never ever be? While I contemplated on the reason for my annoyance-slash-anger, I heard Seungcheol scolding Jeonghan a bit.

“You shouldn’t do these kinds of things, Jeonghan-ah. You said it before that black coffee was one of the things that your best friend hates, right?” He was lecturing him in a soft tone. “Say your apologies to Joshua, okay?” Seungcheol ended the lecture with a kiss on Jeonghan’s forehead. The latter pouted, nodded, and at the same time blushed from what his boyfriend did.

“Sorry,” Jeonghan looked at me with pleading eyes. “But you should never say that thing again, okay?”

I shrugged because I really did have nothing to say, or to be precise I did not have the strength to think of what to say. So, I got up from my seat and walked towards the counter and rang the bell. While waiting for the person-in-charge of the cashier, I looked over the love birds and saw them talking with their face too close to each other. It was as if they were about to kiss. I let out the frustrated sigh I was holding back for quite some time.

“That is some deep sigh you got there,” a deep voice commented and I tried to look as casual as I could when I turned to look at the person who was talking to me. He chuckled, “You don’t need to act that way. Nothing wrong with looking at the person you love, ne?”

“Yeah, nothing’s wrong with it. Except if you want to snatch him away from a very nice guy,” I tried to laugh it off but I knew I sounded hurt.

The man who turned out to be the person-in-charge of the cashier agreed to what I said by nodding his head. “I know what you mean,” he said in a sad tone while he took something from the cabinet on the kitchen counter. He placed on the tray the stuff he took and gently pushed it towards me. “Well, while I was on my way back from the rest room, I overheard that you do not like your coffee black. So here, sugar and cream,” he smiled at me and returned to the back kitchen.

I lifted the tray from the cashier and went back to the table. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were still clinging sweetly to each other, with Seungcheol’s arm wrapped on my best friend’s shoulder and him leaning on Seungcheol’s chest. They were totally engrossed with their own world. It was only when I pulled my chair that they realized that I was back and asked me what I did on the cashier.

“Sugar and cream,” I answered while I poured almost half cup of cream and sugar on my coffee. I stirred it with force that was why I spilled some on the saucer. I grabbed the cup with both my hands and let it rest on my palm, slowly brought it near my lips, and sipped from it.

_It’s still bitter._


	4. The Flashback and The Confession

While I was sitting on one of the stools on the dining counter, the only sound I could hear echoing through the four corners of the apartment was the sounds created by passing cars across the street. I just arrived from Carat Café where I had coffee at the middle of the day with Jeonghan and Seungcheol. I did not want to disturb them with my presence, not when today was supposed to be their most important “first month anniversary”, so I left them alone. But to be honest with myself, I did not just want to torture myself any further by hanging around them and watching them be so sweet and intimate with each other.

***

_“Why are you leaving?” Seungcheol asked when we got out of the café and I told them I was going back. “You can hang out with us, right Jeonghan-ah?” He turned to my best friend and smiled at him._

_“Right,” Jeonghan answered while he gave me looks that I could fully understand that he wanted me to refuse the offer._

_I felt hurt by what he meant with the looks he was giving me. It felt as if he wanted me to ‘get the fuck off’ not that that was what he truly meant. I get it that he wanted to be alone together with his boyfriend. And I was not that insensitive to not notice. “No, I am good. And besides, I need to finish a song I am composing.”_

_“Are you sure?” Seungcheol insisted. “Jeonghan would be sad if you’re not with us,” he continued as he pulled Jeonghan closer to him._

Right… _I thought. “I’m sure, Cheol. And besides, don’t you want him a-all to y-yourself?” I almost choked on my words because of saying things I did not really mean. In reality, I wanted to stay. Probably to even snatch Jeonghan from his hold. But more than being courageous (because I was able to stay with them in the café for almost an hour while they act sweetly with each other) I was more of a coward. A coward because I was letting another man hold the person I love and I was not doing anything about it._

_“Oh, okay then!” Seungcheol let go of Jeonghan and gave me a brotherly hug. “See you when I visit my Jeonghan at your flat,” he said smiling while he resumed his hold of him._

_I left._

***

“He’s not ‘your’ Jeonghan!” I shouted at the fading image of Seungcheol’s smiling face. I punched the marble surface of the kitchen counter with my hands that were clenched into fists. And I cursed myself as I started to feel the pain - the pain caused by the punch and the pain caused by when I knew that  _my_  Jeonghan was already another man's lover.

“He’s mine…” I said as a memory of the past flashed before my eyes.

***

_The school bell rang and all my classmates started leaving the room, either going to their club activities or going home. I, on the other hand, just sat there and stared at my phone, particularly on a message I received from my Mom._

_“Jisoo?”_

_A familiar tantalizing-sweet voice woke me up from the deep thoughts that were running inside my head. I instantly deleted the message and looked at the direction from which I heard the owner of the voice spoke from. “Jeonghan-ah!” I smiled but I knew that he sensed something was wrong from the way he looked at me. He looked confused. “What is up with the look?” I tried to sound innocent._

_I got up from my chair and sat at the table while I reached my hands out to him. Jeonghan looked at it for a second and then he slowly made his way towards me. I watched him carefully. From the way he was leaning against the door; to the way he straightened his back. To how each step he took while making his way towards me seemed so magical. Of course it was not really magical but for me it was because it was Jeonghan. He stopped right in front of me and placed his hands on top of mine. We both smiled as I pulled him closer._

_“Is something wrong, Jisoo?” He was worried. His voice quivered._

_I shook my head and leaned my forehead on his chest. “I just…” I started._

_“Hmm?”_

_Jeonghan was willing to listen and I wanted to tell him. But I did not want to burden him with whatever I was going through. “Nothing,” I breathed and looked up at him, smiling._

_He let go of my hands and sweetly cupped my face. “Don’t lie to me, Jisoo.”_

_I chuckled and slowly reached for his hair. “I love your long hair, Jeonghan-ah.”_

_He sighed. “Ji – “_

_“It’s nothing. You don’t need to know,” I calmly cut him off._

_“It’s not nothing. And I want to know so I could help you,” he stubbornly said and his eyes were staring at mine. Searching for answers; begging for me to tell him the answers._

_“Jeonghan…” I let go of his hair and stood up from the table. I reached for my bag and started to walk towards the door. “This is none of your business.” I stated. I was quite hurt by what I said._

_But Jeonghan grabbed my wrist and insisted on getting an answer from me. “No! It does concern me. I want to help you. Please!”_

_“Stop this!”_

_He grabbed my shoulders and made me look at him. “Whatever it is, I will help you.”_

_“Fuck off, Jeonghan.”_

_“I love you, Jisoo! So, please... let me help you! I love you...”_

_I was taken aback. I was happy. I was sad. I was excited. I was angry. Thousands of abstract emotions filled me up as his confession reverberated my ears. And I wanted to answer that I love him too. And I was about to when I remembered the message I got. I pulled his hands away from me and looked at him with a smirk on my lips, “Is that so?”_

_Then I left._

***

“Jeonghan…”

I started to hate myself over again.

“He _was_ mine.”


End file.
